One of Three

Cat Power

Posted in Life as it comes. by Stephanie on September 1, 2012

I’m home. I’ve been home for four weeks now. In that time I haven’t taken a mind’s moment to map out what is going on. Or what about what just happened? All three years of it.

Then I heard this song. Then I read the lyrics. Then I saw she has a new album coming soon. And a tour.

No where to go. No where to go.



Posted in Life as it comes. by Stephanie on August 22, 2012



surly or ill-tempered; discontentedly or sullenly irritable; grouchy.

Mumford and Sons’ album: Sigh No More

Posted in Life as it comes. by Stephanie on August 2, 2012

Is it possible to mourn the loss of something before it has been lost?                         Because I think I have, or am. 



I only wish I had louder speakers.      



Posted in Don't Let's Be Silly by Stephanie on July 30, 2012

Exhausted, yet energetic. Passionate. Content. Cheerful. Looking forward.

Posted in School by Stephanie on July 22, 2012

Wishful Thinking

In Search for a Comprehensive Understanding of Humanitarian Intervention

MA Thesis: Summer 2012 // Utrecht University
1. The Right to State Sovereignty versus the Responsibility to Protect          
A historical framework of self-determination, the international community, and legal interpretations.
Part I: Old Frameworks                                                                                              
Part II: New Frameworks                                                                                            
Part III: Conclusion                                                                                                        
2. The Lengthy Adoption and Selective Application of Genocide Law                 
A historical comparison of foreign intervention in Bosnia and Kosovo before the Responsibility to Protect doctrine was created.
Part I: The Adoption of Genocide into International Law                                           
Part II: Bosnia                                                                                                                    
Part III: Kosovo                                                                                                       
Part IV: Conclusion                                                                                             
3. 9,000 Dead and Counting                                                                                            
Distrust amongst the United Nations Security Council and its effect on present-day Syria.
Part I: Institutions and Their Frameworks                                                                    
Part II: Contradicting Interpretations                                                                    
Part III: Permanent Member Relations                                                                   
Part IV: Conclusion                                                                                           
4. Conclusion                                                                                                                      
*I’ve had a few interested in reading the thesis. If you’re one of these (very few), I’d be happy and grateful to share what I’ve learned. I’ll even mail you a paper copy if you request it. 

View From The Rooftop

Posted in School by Stephanie on July 19, 2012

As we say in the States: It’s raining cats and dogs.

You could peel the wet tights from my skin. My hair could be wrung out to dry. My toes are damp in their squeaky shoes. Yet my sweater has managed to stay warm.

I had breakfast at my favorite bakery this morning. Bakkerswinkel. I then scurried three blocks to make an inquiry about my pending graduation. The office was slow. Quiet. Everyone is resting for the summer. I found a nice lady who told me I must wait for the processing of documents. Have patience.

Two blocks run in reverse. I must work now to pass the time. The library is closed for renovations.

Another run in the rain. Back to my old stomping grounds. I had seven classes in this building. An old, remodeled palace of a great Dutchman who colonized the world. A seaman, naturally. His home has stained glass windows, limited ventilation, and ornate molding on the ceilings. I always hated the narrow staircase. I tripped on it once. Regardless, how the Europeans have mastered the art of old meets modern is something I’ll always admire. To architecturally remember where you came from, though never-ceasing to move forward.

My classes: The first, I thought would never end. The second, the professor told me I was too insecure. The third, my anxiety would do well to take a rest. The middle few, I was on top of the world. The last, I thought I’d fail.

That’s all over now.

Five days ago I received an email from my superior. I need time to let the idea settle. My thesis is approved. It has been accepted with the seal of an A. However, before downloading it to the university archives I want to make a few changes. There are too many parts I still find inadequate. I would redo it in its entirety if I could. If I had the energy. I blush far too often while reading it.

My mind goes back to the first lecture we heard. You can never make it perfect. At some point you just have to walk away. The blueprint on paper will never wholly match the blueprint in my mind.

To stop means it is over. I am not ready for it to be over. It will end no matter.

Why is the completion of a monumental task so emotional for me?  I find it painful. The ache my heart feels is greater than the loss of any past love.

Though for once in my state of anguish, I do not feel like sleeping it away. I feel like letting every inch of sadness and exhaustion bleed through me. I want to understand this state. To know it, so that it may be properly stored. To never forget the series of moments from apprehension tangled in self-doubt, to reaching accomplishment with pride, and to the ever fearful yet consistently faithful, now what.

It’s raining, I’m soaked completely through and feel grieved it has to be this way.

Italy was grand.

Posted in Don't Let's Be Silly by Stephanie on July 15, 2012

Thesis Conquest: Round 1 of 2

Posted in School by Stephanie on June 30, 2012

I completed my last final review of bibliography and footnotes. All looks uniform and accounted for. I’ll submit the first final draft on Monday. The professor will give it a read though, make comments and return it for changes to be made. But until then…

it’s peanut butter jelly time…





 and I’ll spend it in Italy.

The Balkans

Posted in The Bulg by Stephanie on June 24, 2012

There was a Bulgarian folk singing group in my village.

This is what they sounded like, but with a trendy twist.

Horrendously Horrible

Posted in School by Stephanie on June 22, 2012

There is no greater antithesis to my personality than writing a bibliography.

Concluding through Consistency with Detail.