Dedicated to the misfit women of the South.

In honor of my Friday night I spent Saturday afternoon watching Pride and Prejudice.

I hardly go out anymore. I’m afraid this trend of solitude intensifies the longer I live overseas. Call me stiff, or more likely square, but as I get older I find it increasingly difficult to fake uninteresting conversation. More often than not I’d prefer to stay home, watch a movie, and exchange emails with those I see as enjoyable. Until the day I find a group who enjoys what I enjoy– wine and conversation at seven, bed by midnight.

Begrudgingly I was convinced, close to the last-minute, to go out with friends. It was a Halloween party. I love Halloween. I found some paper, cut out a yellow bat, slapped it over my all black outfit and VUALA, I’m Batgirl. All those years of grade school teaching paid off.

I came with some fifteen friends, immediately twelve decided to leave. Off to the bar they went. Maybe I should have gone, but then I wouldn’t have this story to tell and a struggle to no longer ignore.

While standing quietly in the hallway connecting two rooms, a German friend and I were approached by two boys. Though they were twenty-three, I call them boys with purpose. I swoon at their charm. After asking my age they bombarded me with more questions. “Why am I not married? Why am I still in school? I’m far too old to be in school. I’m far too old to not be married. I should have kids. I was a teacher? I sooooo look like a teacher. So wait, why am I here?”

After attack of the idiots I excused myself and came home. I do believe it took me longer to get dressed than it did to leave the party.

It’s incredible. The idea that I may have more in store for myself is foreign. The idea that getting married and having children is on my list, but not at the top. It’s unthinkable. But I thought I left the South. I thought I was in Europe, even more so, the Netherlands.

Who knows? Maybe Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley are from the village. They acted like it.

Instead of frustration I feel relief. I face the reality that I can no longer run from what I love so dearly. Texas. Because no matter where I live, I’ll never fit the mold.

At last, I can come home.